Yesterday's post on modesty elicited a number of responses - some private and a few public (on the blog). If you haven't had a chance to read it yet, please do and let me know what you think.
There were good examples and suggestions of better dress codes and school uniforms. One response spoke of the difficulty in even finding modest attire for teenagers. This is true. We (Rosemary and I) are truly blessed that our 16 year old daughter has never developed an interest in trendy clothing, and in fact her sense of modesty would bring a smile to the face of Mother Theresa! Finding clothing for her is certainly a challenge, but not impossible. I think the bigger challenge generally is to get teens to wear more modest clothing if and when we find it. From a young age they tend to want to wear what their friends are wearing, and this may not be a problem when they are younger but it becomes one as they enter their teen years. For those of you with younger girls, please keep this in mind!
As I said yesterday, men and women are different. My sister, Beth, in her response on the blog said this:
You are right, men and women are very different and I think the problem is two-fold and somewhat contradictory - 1. Girls feel powerful when they can somehow affect a man, regardless of age and without further intent or thought (and there usually is not an ounce of intent in the dressing other than to get a look which affirms they can get attention), and 2. Girls have no idea of what that power does to a man, because it is really the power of the enemy at work. So realizing this, understand that there can still be a true innocence in them and don't judge them as (to use an OLD phrase) "loose" or "easy".We all like to be affirmed in many ways and for many girls, I would even say most, being affirmed as "pretty" or "at least as pretty as the other girls" is quite important. You don't want to be ignored. You don't want to be looked past to see the girl behind you.
I believe all of what she says to be true, but it is not fair to put all of the onus on our girls. Boys must be taught to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5b) and that regardless of how a girl dresses or even acts, she is worthy of respect and love. The idea that "boys will be boys" is not an acceptable mantra for raising them. The concept of sexuality that modern culture encourages must be constantly counter-acted. A daunting and exhausting task, I know. If you have a teenage son I strongly suggest that you buy him a copy of "Every Young Man's Battle" by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. But before you give it to him, read it yourself. If you are a man, you will recognize a lot of the issues you have dealt with (and possibly still are). If you are a woman you may be surprised and even shocked at some of the concepts taught here but I affirm they are true. All of this said though, God created us differently as a blessing - we have just done a great job of messing up this area of our lives.
Remember this: Satan will do everything in his power to get us (and our kids) to have sex before marriage; and everything in his power to get us NOT to have sex after we are married.
Grace and peace to you be multiplied,
Bruce
Lord,I pray that our children will develop a passion for purity that is even greater than the urgency of the sexual drive You have given them. May they always think of their bodies as Your dwelling place and want to keep them pure for You (1Cor 6:19). Help our kids to feel they can bring their questions about sex to us. Please give us the right words in awkward moments so we can help them feel ease, as well as answer them clearly, fully, and with confidence (Prove. 25:11). Nudge us when it's the right time to pass on an important attitude or piece of information, even if our kids aren't asking for it.O Lord, these are such tough times for a teenager who wants to be pure. Please, Lord, give our children strength to hold onto what they've been taught about these things from a young age (Prov. 3:1).I pray that our children will see through the barrage of false and immoral messages about sexuality portrayed on TV and in movies. Fill our children with a genuine and enthusiastic desire to save sex for marriage.Lord, please use every important influence in Your power (spiritual conviction, our example, their Christian friends' belief systems, medical facts, and even their own logic) to add up to a winning case for the wisdom and value of abstinence until marriage. Keep satan from succeeding in making our kids think it's futile to try to be sexually pure or that because they are tempted, they are evil and might as well give in. Remind them that You were tempted, Lord. But because You remained sinless, You have power and compassion to help when they are tempted (Heb. 2:18).Show our children that it is actually courageous to run away at the first sign of sexual temptation (2 Tim. 2:22). Help them to avoid situations where they could fall prey to lust (James 1:14). Signal them when it's time to say, "Please don't do that," or " I think I'd better take you home."Above all, Lord, may abstinence not seem to them a sacrifice as much as a way to guard a wonderful treasure. May our children grow up knowing that sex is a gift from You worth celebrating and protecting.Amen
 | Bruce MacPherson macpherson@celtic.ca / Blog: The Celtic Christian / Home: 613.489.4174 Cell: 613.720.0821 You are receiving this email because you have requested it or I felt you would be interested in this material. If you would like to be removed from this email list, please do not hesitate to contact me at the above email address. Likewise, if you know of someone else who you believe would appreciate receiving these messages, please let me know. |
