Love and Respect, part 2

Good Tuesday morning, my friends.

Can we go a little deeper on the "love and respect" theme from yesterday?

We have been (falsely) conditioned by current culture to believe that "love is all you need" in marriage or any close relationship for that matter.  Shaunti Feldhahn is the author of "For Women Only, What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men" and here is an excerpt from that book:

YOUR LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH — Why Your Respect Means More to Him than Even Your Affection.

When I (Shanti Feldhahn) was a year or two out of college, I went on a retreat that profoundly impacted my understanding of men. The theme of the retreat was 'Relationships,' which as you can imagine was of great interest to a group of single young adults.

For the very first session, the retreat speaker divided the room in half and placed the men on one side, women on the other.

'I'm going to ask you to choose between two bad things,' he said. 'If you had to choose, would you rather feel alone and unloved in the world OR would you rather feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?'

I remember thinking, What kind of choice is that? Who would ever choose to feel unloved?

The speaker then turned to the men's side of the room. 'Okay, men. Who here would rather feel alone and unloved?'

A sea of hands went up, and a giant gasp rippled across the women's side of the room.

He asked which men would rather feel disrespected, and we women watched in bemusement as only a few men lifted their hands.

Then it was our turn to answer and the men's turn to be shocked when most of the women indicated that they'd rather feel inadequate and disrespected than unloved.

While it may be totally foreign to most of us women, the male need for respect and affirmation --especially from his woman -- is so hardwired and so critical that most men would rather feel unloved than disrespected or inadequate

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs in their research on this topic asked 7,000 people this question: 

"When you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected?" 

83% of the men said "disrespected".  

72% of the women said "unloved".

The conclusion is that men need respect and affirmation and women need love and companionship. Not to the exclusion of love or respect for either gender, it is just what is more important.

This was God's plan all along.  It is hiding in plain sight in the New Testament.  Ephesians 5:33 says "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  1 Peter 3:1b-2 says a non-believing husband may be "won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct".

So whether you are happily married, not-so-happily married, about to be married, or wanting to be married: it is critical for you to understand this Biblical perspective of the relationship that occurs when "a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

Grace and peace be yours in abundance,

Bruce

Lord Jesus, grant that my (future) spouse and I 

may have a true and understanding love and deep respect for each other.

Grant that we may both be filled with faith and trust.

May we always bear with one another's weaknesses 

and grow from each other's strengths.

Help us to forgive one another's failings 

and grant us patience, kindness, cheerfulness 

and the spirit of placing the well-being 

of one another ahead of one's self.

May the love that brings/brought us together 

grow and mature with each passing day.

Bring us both ever closer to You 

through our love and respet for each other.

Let us grow to perfection.

Amen.

(adapted from http://mp3pray.com/marriageprayers)

Bruce MacPherson  macpherson@celtic.ca / Blog: The Celtic Christian / Home: 613.489.4174 Cell: 613.720.0821 You are receiving this email because you have requested it or I felt you would be interested in this material. If you would like to be removed from this email list, please do not hesitate to contact me at the above email address.  Likewise, if you know of someone else who you believe would appreciate receiving these messages, please let me know.